Ok, so not a lot of comfort this week!  I saw my optometrist, and it looks like some eye issues were not all in my head…ummm…well, I suppose if you consider where the eyes are, that isn’t exactly true. But you know what I mean.

It wsn’t good news, but if I keep on the healthy eating and start exercising and lose weight, I can either prevent further damage or slow it down. (Diabetes does things to you, even when you don’t feel it) I have some changes in my eyes caused by Type 2 diabetes, is what I am trying to say. This is the first time it has shown up in my eye exam. I just have to keep focusing on the things I can do so I don’t make it worse through my own continuing denial and self-indulgence.

Healthy Eating Pie Chart (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Cuz I tend to be an emotional eater, and often react to bad health news with more bad eating.  Chocolate in some form usually comes to mind.

On a more positive note, though, I have been faithfully checking my blood sugars and blood pressure and trying to eat properly. I’ve dragged out all the books again, and intend to really get a handle on what I can and cannot eat. And making sure my quantities are healthy too. At some point, I will add a few indulgences back occasionally, but not till I break the pattern of a little is good, so a whole lot is even better…

So one of the hard things to deal with is the guilt that if I had done a better job of looking after myself, maybe this would not have happened. Still, the numbers don’t support that. Maybe the eye issues would have started later on. But chances are they would eventually show up to some extent. I can only be glad that we seem to have found it early.

I will also go see my family doctor this week to let her know about this. I suspect I am looking at insulin injections since I can’t take the medication in tablet form. One type is hard on the kidneys, which I believe were damaged by the C Difficile I contracted several years ago. The other med has sulfa to which I am allergic.

Oh yeah, the C Difficile… well in 2008 I somehow contracted that. It’s a superbug. I had a 5% chance of surviving. So I suppose, instead of worrying about these other things, I should focus on the fact that I could have been dead. Or, that could also be what scared the bejayzus out of me, and why I am so afraid of health things.

Anyway, on a more positive note, I am doing a brief presentation this week coming on Yusef Komunyakaa at Tree Reading Series. And taking a workshop with Stuart Ross as well.