Ouliposter-Badge-Plum-300x300Refer to the advertising section or the classifieds in your source newspaper. Create a poem by replacing all of the nouns in your chosen ad segment or classified listing with nouns from one article in the same newspaper. You may use multiple ads/classifieds, presented in the order of your choosing.

First, I chose the articles I’d use for the ads, based on headlines with interesting words. I chose three, but since the instructions said to use ONE article, that’s what I did for all the small ads.  But I also found a larger, half page ad that I wanted to play with. I haven’t used the product brand name, as I don’t want to suggest any questions of trademark infringement!  I decided to use a different article for that, and to choose only selected portions of the ad for my “poem”.

Here are the eight small classified section poems, with varying success and silliness:

Not a Live-In Prison

Condo Inferno. keeping
common tragedy clean.
Normal building blaze,
daily winds, Fire safety hilltop
ensuring city is in fire.
Inmates 35K a fire.
This is not a live-in prison.

High End

Join us.
High end people require
homes and senior streets
year round electricity.
Email flames.

Seeking a Sky 

Group seeking a sky
to work in the Ottawa hilltops.
Must have service horizons.
Must be winds,
all relevant history
up to death.


SKY (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Golden Firefighters

purebred people,
vaccinated, dewormed.
Inhalation available.
Reserve now.

Louis, at 1

vaccinated, neutered, microchipped
damage catastrophe,
playful, active, enjoys being
with fire trucks.

Selection of KLM Delft Blue Houses

Selection of KLM Delft Blue Houses (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Delft Blue

Private hospitals.
beautiful family staircase
of Dutch Delft blue
porcelain hills & wall remains.
Also black lacquer beautiful
hand-painted Chinese governor.
36 x 14 & 2 neighbourhoods.

Variable Pricing

Planes. 2 Bed spots for sale.
Sleigh zone dark wood
asking 1000
Girls Double access points.
Asking 1100, $1000

Trendiest Air

Q-West Legislature Westboro.
Rare catastrophe.
Last 2 BR corner zone avail.
overlooking history
& Heritage Stone People.
Amazing lifestyle access points,
trendiest air.
Selling due to supplies, purchase at street.
Fire reserved 2 flames ago
to ensure best ashes.

stone faces

stone faces (Photo credit: Miquel99)

And this is the piece based on the half-page ad:

Masking the Toothbrush Lumber

Save time, get predictions
for your back trash.
This tsunami only:
clinically proven back
decompression oceans 50% off.

Debris affects 80% of beachcombers,
can rob you of your remnants,
where getting out of waves becomes
a painful season of your bad months.

While bottles provide temporary earthquake,
the damage can reoccur, cigarette lighters mask
the toothbrush lumber. Other shoes
cost thousands of plastic rings,
have substantial health panic…

Decompression Back Fear expands
to stretch tight back torrents
to help relieve flotsam on pinched bottom
caused by herniated twine,
degenerated trash-mass,
dream, scream and poor sewage.
By relieving the high seas,
you can help relieve the indifference …

30 Day Trash Back Waste!
There’s no smorgasbord.
Try it to finally get rid
of your back bellies

CAS April 14, 2014

Flotsam and Jetsam

Flotsam and Jetsam (Photo credit: krossbow)


Ibanez, Graciela and Jarroud, Marianela Chile inferno a tremendous ‘tragedy’, Ottawa Citizen print edition, April 14, 2014 (A7)

Moneo, Shannon, Oceans of garbage threaten our planet, Ottawa Citizen, print edition, April 14, 2014 (A9

Classified Ad Section (B6)

Partial ad, Page (A4)


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  1. This are a hoot! I especially like “Golden Firefighters” and the last stanza of “Masking the Toothbrush Lumber”

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