Jan 20

Today’s reading is about learning the ways of the white man, but near the beginning, this drew me: “I will not bend my back to his burdens.”—Many Horses.

Of course, I am not thinking of this from the same perspective, but it made me consider how often I’ve concerned myself with how someone else makes a mistake, perhaps in syntax, in spelling, or in opinions expressed. In essence, I am adding it to my own burdens, as well as the unnecessary stress that goes along with it.

Today, I face inwards to my own demons,
seeking to know how I always find this fear
that overtakes me even before waking.

At the heart there is always uncertainty.
I seek inside for answers to every unknown, yet
this knowledge isn’t within. I can’t Google it either.

Without seeking the right help, I wander, lost
amid stress and confusion, everything reducing
to one question: “What if … ?”

CAS Jan 20, 2015