clouds wisp and cling to the lie
of summer in today’s sky-blue
all the houses stare, disbelieving
the proof of ice on their roofs.
its clandestine testimony to winter.
I keep thinking about what my word for the year might be, and I suppose it is focus. Why? Because I often find myself on auto-pilot, easily distracted. A hundred things to think about and only time for some. The result, then, is either not doing what I really want to, surfing the ‘Net instead and going off on its peculiar tangents, or feeling tremendous guilt and anxiety over what I am not doing, and wondering what’s wrong with me. I will need to disconnect from these distractions during my writing time. So, FOCUS. And perhaps my “secret” word is INDULGE. No, I don’t mean to eat too much or spend money frivolously. (Perhaps fewer writing books and more writing practice!) More, I want to recognize when it is important to indulge myself with something I would like to do. Such as enrolling in the two-day Tree Master Workshop coming up in April with John Barton. To do the things that I may not be able to do in a few more years. This is partly what my NO-Comfort Challenge to myself represents, because this, too, will require me to push myself outside my usual boundaries.
This week’s no-comfort successes came from an unexpected feeling of wanting to hibernate, isolate. Should I beg off getting together with a friend? Will the weather be a problem? This is my first winter without going into the city every day for work. I was surprised that I was anxious about these things. So I forced myself to go anyway, simply because I had the urge to stay home.
And as I mentioned, I have signed up for a workshop in April, even though I am going on one in May down in Massachusetts. That one will be a challenge too, as I have not travelled much since 2008, when I had major, a life-threatening infection, and emergency surgery. While the surgery saved my life, it also left me with a changed plumbing system. So I worry about crossing the border with my medical supplies. And travelling so far all by myself. I was taken ill on my last trip to the U.S., and while I know the location was unrelated to my illness, it still creates anxiety to think of going. But, if I want to travel while I am still able to, there has to be a first time. So, over the next three months I will be working on attitude for this journey.
And I can’t wait to meet you in person in May! You can do it. I’ll be praying for you. :)
thanks, Andrea. I am looking forward to meeting you too! Prayers appreciated. Carol
How your life has changed in the past few years! I hope that as you venture forth the sun shines on your trip the entire way. Baby steps will get you there and smiles will get you home! Thanks for sharing!!
and thanks to you for the encouragement! Carol